so if a drumstick hits a drum

and the mute button is still on, does anybody hear it?

i fell asleep...

so deeply that when i awoke, i was truly disoriented and confused.

this happened this afternoon.

i'm still in the midst of recovering from having the gastroc recession done on my left calf. (i think i wrote about that sometime ago...)

i had to start taking gabapentin (neurontin - essentially a nerve sedative) to calm down neural spasms that had been putting a serious crimp in my recovery...

it's entirely possible that the drug has something to do with it.

what i do know is that i haven't had a sleep like that for as long as i can recall.

weird.

communication...

we talk and talk and talk, but do we ever really hear?

seriously, i'm in the process of learning a life-lesson that you'd think i would have a bit better of a grip on.

communication. what you think you have said vs. what others hear you say.

what you hope sometimes is that people will pick up what you're putting out. i'm loud and clear, aren't i?

the past few weeks have made it quite obvious that i'm not very loud, definitely in a fog and nobody is really "pickin' up what i'm puttin' out"

so now what? life doesn't care what i think, i'm just part of it.

oh my, existentialism creeps in. nah, can't go there. i'm not bright enough to hold my own attention, let alone anybody elses...

let's be clear, shall we?

my family, my friends, and my career all depend on it. now more than ever. i've managed somehow to slip thru the cracks too many times - just on the verge of something really good, but...

i'm not ungrateful for what i have. i'm not pining for something i feel i'm missing.

i think i'm just finally realizing that you get nothing if you don't ask for it.
and, I think that people really, honestly can't read minds and just know what you're thinking or how you're feeling.

enough said.